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[Feb. 3rd, 2008|08:42 pm] |
W-O-W! The game was so good in the last part of the 4th quarter that I forgot my eggs that were boiling up in the kitchen. Whoops!
Question: Is the love of football genetic? Hmm???
GRATEFUL LIST:
1. Weekend days home alone
2. FOOTBALL!!!
3. Big tubs with Milk and Honey bath milk *sigh*
4. Even when sick- having enough energy finally to go and get groceriews so I can take care of myself
5. Husbands who are kind enough to grant last minute requests by wives who procrastinate on going to the bank during the work week
WHAT I LEARNED TODAY:
1. I wish my Dad had been here to watch the game with me. I miss our football dates. I should ask him if I could go to the Buff games next season once in a while with him
2. Jason and I never finished our conversation Saturday - or was it Friday??
3. I need to go to bed early so I can get up at 3:30am
4. Planning works when I follow through, otherwise it is just wasted time
5. More cowbell! I mean- More moisturizing! LOL- |
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[Feb. 3rd, 2008|09:57 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Joel's Office | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sick | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Just the tick tock of the clock | ] |
Hello all of my darlings! I have missed you all- really. I am so sorry for the Houdini act and the random postings. I took a side step to MySpace as there are 10+ friends of mine from High School there. It was a reunion of sorts. However, I miss my friends here greatly. I enjoy your blogs and our banter. So I have made my return. Also- MySpace is a virus of sorts, and I find that irritating. I do like it's interactiveness- but, that's about it.
I am home with the creepy crud. It started a few days ago and yesterday became full blown chest crap. UGH. And that pisses me off as I had a friend date with a lady named Christy who I became aquainted with through Jason.
Speaking of which... Drop by and show him the love. He has a blog here as well. He posts regularly on the other site, and perhaps he will do the same mere. He writes about things that intrigue him- and posts great quotes and facts dailoy. I find it very informative- and moving a lot of the timje. Today's quotes, which he posted here on LJ really struck a chord with me... Pardon the pun. *snork* So drop by tell him you exists. Thanks-
http://fire-2.livejournal.com/profile
Love to you all- *runs off to catch up on the blogs* |
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| 130 Q's Stolen from The Blueline Goddess |
[Jan. 30th, 2008|06:33 pm] |
1. Is there someone you wanna date right now?
Hell no- Happily married gratefully
.
2. Why did you stop liking the last person you liked?
I think I just realized that broken boys are just that- broken. And I can't fix them.
3. Are you usually the heart breaker or the heart broken?
Umm... I doubt that I have ever broken a heart.
4. Name a quote from the song you are listening to:
I am not listeneing to anything but the tick tock of the clock here in Joel's office
5. What are you doing right now?
This survey, obviously.
6. Do you miss someone?
Yes- there are a few.
7. Are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to know the truth?
No- I am a pretty open book.
8. Why did you cry last?
It was recently- about Tobie dying I guess.
9. What was the first thing you said when you woke up today?
I don't remember
10. Are you tired?
Yeah. It was a looooooong day.
11. Do you have a best friend?
Yep- Poet and Joan. Jason and I have been pretty distant.
12. What was the reason why you and your last boy/girl didn't work?
I was in college in California and he was in Broomfield in Colorado. He got engaged to someone else.
13. Have you ever hated someone, but ended up being friends with them?
I don't hate people.
14. What do you think of people who don't have sex before marriage?
I respect their beliefs but I am a girl who wants to know exactly what I am getting into. Finding out you aren't sexually compatible after the wedding would be horrible.
15. Do you own a pair of green pants?
No.
16. Are you more independent or dependent?
Both. depends on the situation.
17. Do you believe that what GOES around COMES around?
Yep.
18. What is your favorite fruit?
Apples, bananas, grapes, oranges.
19. What is the most important thing in any relationship?
Communication.
20. What is the last song to make you cry?
I don't know, there are a lot of songs I'll hear that remind me of something and I'll briefly tear up.
21. Does anyone love you?
Yep
22. Do you love someone?
Yep
23. Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom?
Yeah. It was not a pretty thing.
24. Whats the one thing thats getting you through this week?
The weekend with no agenda.
25. Who do you miss?
Poet, Mom, Granny, Table People
26. Do you give out second chances too easily?
Not anymore.
27. Where is one place you want to visit?
I want to see the whole world.
28. Ever felt that no one relates to you?
Yeah
29. Who do you like?
Lots of people!
30. Are you a vegetarian?
Nope- i am always close. I didn't eat meat for 2 years and I was pretty sick.
31. Do you lead people on?
I don't believe so.
32. Who are you jealous of?
That is a wasted emotion.
33. Are you a lover or fighter?
Loverrrrrrrrrrrrr. but I can be fiesty.
34. Do people drive you crazy?
Yes.
35. What/who can always make you laugh most?
Joan and Mason
36. Who's your number 1 on myspace and why?
Jason. He was the 1st one I added. And he was my BFF at one point in time.
37. Where were you 4 hours ago?
Work
38. What do you think of your last kiss?
I don't remember- only that I don't get them often.
39. Do you kiss a lot of people?
No.
40. Are you wearing socks right now?
Nope
41. When was the last time you went out of state?
December 2007
42. Have you been to the movies in the last 5 days?
No.
43. Who was the last person to hear you cry?
Kiwi the dog probably
44. Who was the last person to make you smile?
Joan- we laughed and joked for 30 minutes tonight while I was driving home
45. What was the last food you ate?
I'm hungry.
46. What was the last drink you had?
Milk
47. Have you bought any clothing items in the last week?
Nope.
48. Do you have a pet?
4 fish, one dog (I miss Tobie) and a cat.
49. What did you do last night?
Went to Olive Garden with Joel
50. Where are you now?
Joel's office at home
51. If you could be anywhere you want where would it be?
California or Texas
52. What is the last thing you purchased online?
CD
53. One thing you don't like about yourself?
Weight. 'nuff said.
54. What does the 10th text in your inbox say?
Depends on which direction you scroll: "Seen you head the wrong way. Did you get lost?" - Jason
or
"Me too" - Jason
I need to clean all that shit out of there. LOL- I don't always do it after I get one. So I have some random shit in there.
55. Last movie you saw?
In the theater- The bucket List
56. What are your plans for tomorrow?
Work
57. Did you have fun today?
No- But I was super busy and productive at work
58. Who is your last text message from?
Jason
59. Were you an honor roll student in school?
no
60. What do you know about the future?
Everyone dies.
61. Who was the last person you rode in a car with?
joel
62. Where were you going?
Home from Olive Garden
63. What was your summer like?
Busy- 3 trips with the rec group
64. Did you meet anyone new today?
Over 250 i was at a job fair.
65. Do you have any tattoos or piercings?
Ear piercings and 2 tatoos
66. How do you like your soda?
Cherryfied and COLD.
67. What did you do today?
Work- job fair, lots of PR and damage control
68. What is your current mood?
Cold , hungry and tired
69. Do you like anyone?
Yep.
70. Why are/aren't you with them?
I am married to him
71. How old will you be in 8 months?:
35 and 6 days
72. Do you think you'll be married by then?:
I will be married 9 years and 5 months exactly.
73. Was yesterday better than today?:
Today was better than yesterday
74. What were you doing at 12 am last night?:
Sleeping
75. Do you like carrots?:
Yep- I prefer them raw or only lightly steamed. Squishy carrots are gross.
76. When is the last time you saw your mom?:
Christmas eve in the hospital
77. How many houses have you lived in?:
Including growing up??? 13
78. How many city/towns have you lived in?:
Denver, Kitterage, Evergreen, Abeliene, Carrollton, El Cajon, Boulder, Louisville, Erie, Littleton, Centennial
79. Do you prefer shoes, socks, or bare feet?:
Depends on the mood and where I am located.
80. Are you a social person?:
I can be
81. What is your favorite color?:
Orange, green, blue
82. What are you doing for your next birthday?:
I have no idea.
83. What is your favorite TV show?:
Dexter, Weeds, The L Word, Big Love
84. What grade did you make in Algebra?:
A
85. Do your folks like coffee?:
Nope- none of us drink it. Well- except my Step Mom
86. Do you know how to play poker?:
Some
87. What are you thinking about right now?:
I want to get into PJ's
88. Any plans for this weekend?:
Nothing- except take Tobie's ashes to the green belt.
89. Do you have anything bothering you?:
Yep
90. Do you smile often?:
I fake-smile more than I real-smile.
91. Have you ever had a life-threatening injury?:
Nah
92. Have you ever been in an ambulance?:
Nope
93. Do you prefer an ocean or pool?:
Ocean
94. Why is your relationship status the way it is?:
Because he wanted babies- and I said show me the ring. And here we are. Fat rock. No chillin's.
95. What is the main ring tone on your phone?:
CU Buffs fight song.
96. What is the color of your bedroom walls?:
White
97. Do you shut off the water when you brush your teeth?:
no- I am bad, i know.
98. Do you wish someone was with you right now?:
I'm good alone.
99. Does anyone have your heart?
Yes
100. Ever been in a perfect relationship?
No.
101. Which is more romantic: flowers or candy?
Flowers.
102. Are you wearing any jewelry?
Wedding bling
103. Have you ever been on the television?
Yes
104. Do you like mustard?
Yes- Ketchup is gross.
105. Do you know your father's birthday?
Yes, June 13th
106. Where is the last place you went shopping?
Sam's club
107. Did you sing in the shower today?
No.
108. What is the most irritating thing the opposite sex can do?
Lie. This is true of the same sex too.
109. Is your shirt new?
No
110. Do you live near your ex boyfriend/girlfriend?
Nope- He left for the flatlands of Nebraska.
111. Are you scared of bugs?
Not scared, but I don't like them.
112. Are you a cuddler?
Yes.
113. Do you read?
Yep
114. Do you sleep with a teddy bear?
No.
115. What's the last TV show you watched?
The Today Show
116. Do you like baseball?
Yeah
117. Least favorite sport?
Tennis I guess
118. Last time you went out to eat?
Last night.
119. What did you do yesterday?
Work
120. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
Joan
121. Is there anyone you wish was still in your life?
Yep.
122. Regret breaking up with any of your exs?
Nope.
123. How old do you want to be when you have kids?
Anytime would be fine- I'am already 34.
124. Do people hate you?
I don't know.
125. How often do you give high fives?
Only with my travelers.
126. The next person you’ll hold hands with, will it mean anything?
i don't know who that will be.
127.The last person you held hands with, did it mean anything?
To me it did. but I think he just humors me.
128. Do you like your life right now?
It's okay- Pretty busy and stressful.
129. Last cig?
High School
130. Last bubble bath?
A few months ago. |
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[Jan. 23rd, 2008|05:15 pm] |
Time: Time to get ready to go home
Mood: Rejected, Unwanted, Yucky, Disgusted
Music: Nada
Thirst Quenching Goodness: Diet Cherry 7-Up
Tomorrow I am going to the rodeo. I suspect that Joel won't want to go
with me. But we'll see. Cowboys- Yee haw!
Got my name badge for work today. I guess this must mean they plan on
keeping me. It's gold and fancy.
My wedding ring won't stay straight on my finger- it keeps spinning
around, and it's driving me crazy. Might be time to get the rings sized
I guess.
Grateful List:
* I am alive
* I get free tickets to the stock show and rodeo for tomorrow night
* Diet Cherry 7-Up
* An organized office
* Support and love from friends- even those whom I don't see or
chat with often. Yeah, I am talking about you Buck- thanks for the note.
I love you!
* My hair is growing out nicely
Things I have learned today:
* I need to throw these shoes away
* I am to cheap to throw these shoes away
* I feel icky and gross
* I need to come in early tomorrow morning so that I can get some
things done before the staff get here and so I can leave on time for the
rodeo
* I need to get a gift certificate for Susan as a thank you for her
hard work and flexibility
* I should buy breakfast for the staff tomorrow |
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[Jan. 17th, 2008|05:10 pm] |
Veteran’s Statistics
Well... Today went pretty well after yesterday's session of wanting to slam my head on the desk.
Went to a very cool meeting about a program initiative for homeless veterans that I am going to be a part of. While I was there I learned some pretty startling statistics that I will share with you:
23% of the homeless population are veterans- yet only 9% of the U.S. population have served in the military
33% of the male homeless population are veterans
47% served during the Vietnam Era
67% Served 3+ years
33% were stationed in a war zone
89% received an honorable discharge
85% completed at least high school/GED compared to 56% of non veterans
76% experience alcohol, drug or mental health problems, often related to their difficulty in transition back to civilian life
Only 20% will receive services through the current programming model
The number of female homeless vets has tripled
The number of male and female homeless veterans from the Vietnam Era is greater than the total number of veterans who were killed during the war
I am appalled that as a society we let this happen to those who serve our country. Regardless if they saw action or not. I am super grateful to have been asked to help in this program to provide housing, and other services to this group. And I am looking forward to the process.
To those who serve, have served and those who are family and friends of those in and out of the service. Thank you for all that you do. |
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[Jan. 8th, 2008|05:07 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | My Office | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  hungry | ] |
| [ | music |
| | 92.5 The Wolf | ] |
Time: Time to head home in a few minutes and take off these girl clothes and check on Tobie girl and spend time with her
Mood: Excited, Proud, Relieved, Thirsty, Hungry, Loved, Overwhelmed, Anxious, Broke
Grateful List:
Jason and I had a great chat this afternoon
I had a good meeting with my boss
My cold is getting better, although slowly
The day is almost over
Tomorrow is another day
Things I Have Learned Today:
My blouse and skirt are way to frigging big
I need to come in early again tomorrow and get information to my boss for her meeting with the Executive Director and the CFO
I need to not skip meals. Ugh the headache!
I am a sticky note whore
My staff are scared that they are going to be laid off
I need to find a better balance in sharing enough information with my staff so they feel that they are I the loop, but that they also don’t have too much information that will make them nervous etc.
I need to really watch what I share in the Leadership meetings given that one of the Case Management folks attends that meeting and is in with all of my staff. I don’t want info to be released that shouldn’t be.
My boss wants me to take the lead and build new programming for our company
I am going to piss some people off. And potentially create more work for myself and others. |
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| RE: I have no snazzy title for this... |
[Jan. 4th, 2008|02:16 pm] |
Time: Time to step up to my potential
Mood: Sick, Sick of being sick, Nervous, Out of my element
Eats: Apple and Turkey
Drinks: Need to get me something cold and fizzy
So my cold has gone from my chest to my head. UGH. I am so grateful that
it's the weekend! Tomorrow Joan, Mason and I are taking the rec group to
Casa Bonita. Any of the local peeps (long distance ones as well... *hint
hint* LOL!) are more than welcome, I am doing pick ups in Boulder at
11am so we should be at Casa Bonita by 12:30pm. My cell is 720-201-4893,
if you decide you'd like to join us give me a ring when you get to the
restaurant and I'll meet up with you! The more the merrier! :-)
I called my Mom yesterday and she was beside herself crying. She had
just talked to Granny and they are talking about taking Uncle Rocky off
of life support. So I may be headed to San Diego soon. She also met with
the lawyer and got some things in place, which is a relief. She said to
call her later and she would give me more information. I am curious to
see how she set everything up.
I need an attitude adjustment about my job. Yes, I do.
GRATEFUL LIST:
* Mom met with the lawyer
* I am going to see my rec group peeps after a way too long of a
break, I miss em'!
* The day will be over soon
* That Billiekai has greater wisdom than I, and shares it when I
need it
Court.: I am scared. I know that God places you where you need to be,
but in the work sense this seems like a huge leap
Billiekai: It is a good leap. I don't learn to be a black belt by
hanging out with the yellow belts. I must be with those that are
seemingly beyond my grasp to grow to my full potential.
* That I have the ability to see where I need to make amends. And
that I am willing to make them regardless of the outcomes.
THINGS I HAVE LEARNED TODAY:
* I am in a job way bigger that my experience.
* I haven't had access to a computer at home for awhile- And I
haven't missed it. Other than to post the pictures I have been taking.
* I have great friends who bring levity during my stressful days
* Another friend from Jr. and Sr. High is prettier now than when we
were kids. And I am super happy for her! Congrats TR on your new
marriage! And I owe her amends.
* I need to be a model of good behavior. You can't put out
expectations if you don't, or aren't willing, to do the same things.
* I am reminded every payday that when I pay all of my bills- I
always have more money for fun etc. then when I avoid them. Yes, I am so
glad that I learned this 2 years ago.
I'll go ahead and post this a little early. I need to get back to the
grind. I have another budget meeting in 45 minutes- |
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[Jan. 2nd, 2008|04:34 pm] |
Grateful List:
I don't have to be here tomorrow, I will be at my sister program in
Evergreen.
My kitchen is clean
My mom's tumor hasn't grown or spread
I fixed an insurance problem for mom and I did it with tact and
integrity
Things I have learned today:
If you don't have insurance- you are screwed
I need drugs (for the cold)
It is going to cost me $200 to have Tobie put to sleep and cremated
privately.
I can be helpful to my mom even though I am not there
Granny appreciates my knowledge
Our fridge here in my office freezes items- UGH.
I took pics of the dogs that hang out here at work. If I can upload them
I will try. Joel's computer took a crap and I couldn't get on there
yesterday. I think MySpace is a virus. |
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[Jan. 2nd, 2008|02:22 pm] |
Hi all and Happy New Year all! I am sorry I have been distant as of late. My lap top died. And then this past week Joel's desk top did... Good times.
I am surviving, and have appreciated your notes. Thanks so much for the love and support, it means alot.
Tobie is still with us for the time being. I think Joel wants to take her to Boulder Sunday to say goodbye to ("grandma") his mom. But we'll see. I know it sounds horrible, but for as much as I love this furry child of mine, I am hurt to see her struggling so, and as such- I am anxious to have it over with.
My mom is back in the hospital and will be going to a respite stay soon to get stronger. I really don't want her to go home with the house in the deplorable conditions it is in. But that is not my choice. The tumor hasn't shrunk, however, it hasn't metastisized (sp?) to her liver yet. So that is something I guess.
Uncle Rocky isn't well at all- Back in the hospital and on the ventilator. His heart and lungs as well as kidneys are failing. They have started dialysis. Granny thought this would solve the problems. But I educated her that it is a temporary measure, and basically will just keep him alive temporarily. He needs a heart transplant- but who knows if that will happen or not.
New Years was uneventful. And I am good with that. I am sick- and possibly pnemonia. Ugh.
Well- I need to get back to work. I'll try and be better about updating and reading blohs. But as you all know, life has been a bit rough as of late.
*hugs*
Court. |
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| RE: Blah blah blah |
[Dec. 31st, 2007|05:17 pm] |
Time: Time to get organized, time to get real about my life, time to say
goodbye to Tobie Todd
Mood: Sick, Tired, Tired of being sick and tired, Sad, Relieved, Anxious
Music: 92.5 The Wolf
Location: My office at work
Grateful List:
* That even though I am sad about needing to say goodbye to Tobie,
I am at peace with the decision. I love her and I don't want her to
suffer.
* It is the last day of the year
* I am able to turn my calendars to January. I look forward to that
every month. I like seeing the new picture for the month.
* It is quiet and low key in my office today
Things I have learned today:
* I need to keep my home life at home and my work life at work
I don't give a crap enough to write a blurb today. Maybe later
tonight... |
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[Dec. 30th, 2007|06:33 pm] |
SOOOOO.... In almost every survey there is a question about what song represents you or describes your life etc... I finally figured out what song closely resembles me and my life. I have always liked it, and today it came on my Ipod. So any who... Here it is-
Good Mother - By Jann Arden
I've got money in my pocket,
I like the color of my hair.
I've got a friend who loves me,
Got a house, I've got a car.
I've got a good mother,
and her voice is what keeps me here.
Feet on ground,
Heart in hand,
Facing forward,
Be yourself.
I've never wanted anything.
No I've, no I've, I've never wanted anything,
so bad..(so bad).
Cardboard masks of all the people I've been
Thrown out, with all the rusted, tangled
dented God Damned miseries!!
You could say I'm hard to hold,
But if you knew me you'd know,
I've got a good father,
And his strength is what makes me cry.
Feet on ground,
Heart in hand,
Facing forward,
Be yourself.
I've never wanted anything,
No I've, no I've, I've never
wanted anything so bad..(so bad).
I've got money in my pockets,
I like the color of my hair.
I've got a friend who loves me,
Got a house, I've got a car.
I've got a good mother,
and her voice is what keeps me here.
Feet on ground,
Heart in hand,
Facing forward,
Be yourself.
Heart in hand,
Feet on ground,
Facing forward,
Be yourself.
just be yourself.
just be yourself.
Feet on ground,
Heart in hand,
Feet on ground,
Heart in hand....
______________________________________________________________
Grateful List:
Aunt Vicki's love and care- and understanding, she is a tangible piece of G'Ma Todd's soul
The sound of my Mother's voice
The smell of home baked bread
I am young at heart
The smell of freshly washed comforters
The flirtations of a cute stranger
The music in my soul
Chapstick
The way my husband holds my hands and kisses them, even at the breakfast table in Benedict's restaurant
The way Joel's eyes match the dark blue shirt he is wearing today
THINGS I HAVE LEARNED TODAY:
Uncle Rocky may die soon
Even in this time of sadness in my life I can still find happiness in music and a skip in my step- even if it is in the grocery store
When I think I am at my whackiest- strangers tend to flirt with me.
My husband makes an effing great wife. He is upstairs making home made bread
My cousin Kerrie also has a bad heart
My Mom wants to donate her heart to her brother Rocky. And if he dies before she does, she wants her organs to go to the family 1st if that is possible. Otherwise, regular donation.
I feel like low grade crap- I think I am fighting off a cold.
I will be making a trip to Nebraska in the next couple of weeks to see family, and maybe a swing through to see my best friend and Mama Sherry
Currently listening :
Time for Mercy
By Jann Arden
Release date: 17 January, 2005 |
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| Last post until Christmas... |
[Dec. 22nd, 2007|06:05 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Joel's Office | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  exanimate | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The news on channel 9 | ] |
I had a decent sleep last night which I am grateful for. I am a tad nervous though. I don't know what I will find when I get to the house today.
Tonight I will be going to Leslie's house in Wylie for dinner. And I am sure that there will be open discussion about what is transpiring. Mom says that she will not be attending- that she will be at home doing a tube feeding.
All I reallly want is to be alone with her. without all of the others.
When do the tears dry up? Why are there always more?
And in the shower this morning all I could think was- What the fuck am I going to do with all those cats when she is gone? I am glad Blue and Claw died last year, I won't have to worry about them. Those dogs were only loyal to my mother. Only let her near them. And when Claw died, Blue wouldn't let anyone near her body. Made me think for a moment that perhaps the 2 were some sort of soul mates. And then Blue boy died a few months later of what I assume was a broken heart. And when she, my beloved mother, who I am named for- look like, have the same laugh. When she goes- What happens to me? Will I in turn die of a broken heart as well? And who will be there to help me pick up the pieces of my shattered self?
But I won't die if a broken heart. Life trudges on even when we want the rest of the world to stop. And that pisses me off. And I know it's irrational.
I need to go and finish packing- orinting mapquest and say goodbye to my family here. Joel is upstairs sleeping and the animals are milling around a bit confused at all of my actions this cold morning.
Here is something I read this morning... Love to you all- I will check in on Christmas when I get home.
Most of us chase our tails in pursuit of uninterrupted pleasure. Most of us also forget that to satisfy our desire for happiness, we must desire others happiness. This follows the principle that sharing with others, is sharing with ourselves.
Today, you can come one step to fulfilling yourself by seeking opportunities to fulfill others. Every time you give time, energy, or money, think not that you are helping "him" or "her." Think only you are helping yourself. |
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| They travel from afar bearing lasanga! |
[Dec. 19th, 2007|10:24 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Joel's Office | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  Happy but tired | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Nada | ] |
Well tonight was quite fun. My father in law Wes and his companion Nancy came down from Berthoud and brought us dinner. Home made lasanga and all sorts of cookies and cakes etc. Also presents... Wes made me close my eyes and pull my gift out of a gift bag. LOL- It was girly bath salts which are wonderful! He knows and loves me well for sure. He told me this huge story about the specialness of the salts and his journey to get them for me.
Nancy and I have not gotten along in the past. For whatever reason wives and moms of men in my life have a history of not liking me. With the dear exception of Mama Sherry of course. What that is about I do not know. I am not a home wrecker. I've never stolen anyone from others. Or even tried for that matter. So what is up with that anyway? Anyway... We have been getting a long a lot better the past few years which is nice. And we started talking about men we found attractive and I mentioned Josh Turner and she got all wierd and goofy about him. And so I told her she must hear my best friend's voice. LOL- So yeah, I called Jay Bird and told him he needed to say hi to her. He was hesitant... Trust me man! Have I ever steered you wrong? The answer is NO! :) After we all hung up she was swooning over his dreamy voice and so I went and grabbed a pic of us together. Yes, he is quite cute as well. But way to young for you Nancy!!!!
Had a lovely dinner and laughter.It was nice to spend time with them all. Well It is time for bed. I am sleepy and have a long day ahead of me tomorrow. I am meeting with the Director of Home Care for the Jewish Family Services. She and I are going to exchange ideas and hopefully build a nice partnership that will benefit both of our clients. So that will be nice. And then I am leaving work early to go to Cashmere Day Spa and get a little pampering from Barb.
Ta-ta for now. I am tired. Off to bed for me! |
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| RE: Today's Post |
[Dec. 18th, 2007|01:56 pm] |
Titles are over rated
Time: 10:57am
Mood: Happy, relieved, confused, content, frustrated, lazy
Music: On Line Streaming of 92.5 The Wolf
Damn it. I can hear the staff in the other room talking about what they
got me for Christmas. Damn it. This means I need to get them each
something. Gah!
Last night I took Joel to dinner (Chinese yummy) and I opened the door
to talk about our communication issues. Actually, it started at the
house because he came up behind me and started groping me and I said out
loud, "We have communication issues and you are groping my rear end." It
was a lousy thing to do- but I was just fed up after the exchange at
Dad's on Sunday night. He asked if I was okay and I said, no but that I
will be. We went to dinner and we talked about the sister comment and he
said that if anything he loves me more deeply than even his family.
Because the love he feels for me goes back to childhood. (I met him
because he had carved I LOVE QUARTNY in the utility box of the
counselor's cabin at camp when he was 11 and I was 10- LMAO!) And that
he loves me as a wife, a friend and a sister so his love is even
stronger. And he saw no problems with how we communicate. We talked
about a lot of issues- the infertility and communication being the
biggest ones.
It was interesting. It made me think about that day at the Corona St.
house when he was lying on the couch looking out the window and I asked
him what he was thinking and he said- "Nothing" and I was like, no-
really, what are you thinking. And I guess he has the ability to just
turn off his brain. I'd love to have that ability. I am sure this talk
was overdue. I am not completely convinced that this is the end of it.
But it's a start. He said that he didn't see the fertility issue as time
imperative when it 1st came up 3 years ago. And I reminded him that it
could take years to get pregnant even with fertility specialists. And
that given my Hydrocephalus that it is something that will require a lot
of Dr's care, I don't want to be having babies at 40 like our moms did.
Especially if we are getting fertility drugs- I don't need twins at 40.
He immediately said that at the New Year he'd get tested. I told him to
slow down, that now we are dealing with his health issues and I think we
need to get that in order 1st. That hadn't been an issue before now. But
Billiekai said that she didn't think his getting tested would be a bad
idea. So we'll see.
We got the statement for the last round of his care last night. $6300.
Gratefully he has insurance so he only owes $50. I shudder to imagine
what my bills have been. Eeks.
Tonight will be an all nighter to get the house in order and the tree
trimmed before tomorrow night. Joel's dad Wes and his girlfriend Nancy
will be coming over to cook us dinner. The tree looks pretty puny in the
living room. We didn't do a big tree search this year. We just got one
at King Soopers. So the one we got is about 6ft. We won't need the step
ladder this year to decorate it. LOL- I think it's the vaulted ceilings
that make it look so small.
GOALS FOR WEDNESDAY 12/19/07:
PERSONAL: 20 minutes of self care- A hot bubble bath with candles!
PROFESSIONAL: Complete line item justification and rework the
HCBS/Medicaid numbers for my budget.
PHYSICAL: Work out with Zac for an hour
SPIRITUAL: Prayer for awareness and openness
GRATEFULNESS:
* The beginning of better communication
* I am halfway through the day
* I am able to stream on line music
* It is beautiful outside
* I have super healthy teeth - no cavities in 34 years. Go me!
* Christmas Eve is paid holiday for me
THINGS I HAVE LEARNED:
1. Everyone communicates differently, the trick is figuring out
how others communicate.
2. I will be going to New York in January to be there for my Dad's
surgery.
3. This next year is going to be super expensive in travel
expenses
4. I have a long night ahead of me
5. I am physically lonely
Courtney Schwella Todd
In-Home Care Services Manager
Senior's Resource Center
Email: ctodd@SRCAging.org
Direct Line: 303-235-6929
Fax: 303-235-6990
http://www.srcaging.org/ |
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| Today... |
[Dec. 17th, 2007|05:12 pm] |
I think I am going to add another list. I like lists, can’t you tell? I a going to post a list of my goals for the next day, things I’d like to accomplish…
GOALS FOR TUESDAY 12/18/07
Personal: Take 20 minutes for myself doing something for ME. Buy the book that my therapist wants me to read.
Professional: Organize my desk and the bulletin board in my office
Spiritual: Listen to one of my Step One Meditations
Physical: 30 minutes of cardio, crunches
Other: Clean my room, load the dishwasher
Marriage: Make amends to Joel for my defensiveness Sunday night. Seek to understand why he feels the way he feels. Make an effort to not make assumptions project my issues on him.
These lists are a combo of Thursday through today… Thanks!
GRATEFUL LIST
That I have a colorful and creative soul
That I was super productive on Friday
That I have my new glasses
That I can benefit from the wisdom of my friends
Mom sounds better today
That I don’t have as many negative mantras in my head anymore. That I can recognize them and redirect them.
My Dad has the best doctors looking over him and his care
Dad goes on medical leave January 12th
My boss is understanding about my needing to take care of my mom
Meaningful conversations with best friends
THINGS I’VE LEARNED
1. My husband and I have a lot of work to do in our relationship
2. That my husband and I are vastly different people
3. Procrastination doesn’t serve me
4. I am often quite cold
5. I have a lot of personal growth to do even though I have come a long way
6. I need to plan better, and to follow through
7. That holding grudges and resentments doesn’t hurt anyone but myself
8. That I can feel close to friends even when they are far away, but I still miss their physical beings. I miss the hugs and love.
9. My integrity is lacking lately. |
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| New Favorite song |
[Dec. 17th, 2007|05:11 pm] |
Sittin Out here on the hood of this truck looking up
at a caramel colored sunset sky
checkin my watch doin the math in my head
counting back words to when you said goodbye
well those runway lights are gettin brighter
Im just sittin' out here watching airplanes
take off and fly
tryin to figure out which one you might be on
and why you dont love me anymore
right now im sittin' out here watching airplanes
I would've lied could've cried should've tried harder
done anything to make you stay
i wonder what you'd do if you looked out your window
saw me runnin down the runway just like i was crazy
that fence is too high so am i
so I'm just sittin' out here watching airplanes
take off and fly
tryin to figure out which one you might be on
and why you don't love me anymore
by now i know you're thirty thousand feet above me
but a million miles away, a million miles away
by now i know i outta act like you don't love me
but im just sittin' out here watching airplanes
take off and fly
im just sittin' out here watching airplanes
take off and fly
tryin to figure out which one you might be on
and why you don't love me anymore
yeah im just sittin' out here watching airplanes
go by, by, by
im just sittin' out here watching airplanes
baby bye, bye, bye |
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| Latest Update |
[Dec. 17th, 2007|10:32 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | My Office at Work | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  aggravated | ] |
| [ | music |
| | On Line Streaming of 92.5 the Wolf | ] |
Time: 9:30am
Mood: Frustrated, Lonely, Used, Confused, Worried, Overwhelmed, Stupid etc…
Music: On Line Streaming of 92.5 The Wolf
Good morning everyone- I haven’t updated since Thursday. I have been super busy. So sorry! So if this post gets long I apologize…
Before I forget, Happy Birthday to Kimberly Prue who is Kurt’s girlfriend and a new add to the friends list here! Welcome Kimberly and I hope that your time with your family is going well!
Friday I was super productive at work which I am grateful for, although there is so much to do still. After work Friday I made the trek to Boulder to get my new glasses and then I had my 1st appointment with the counselor. My world is so convoluted and crazy of late, that I need some extra reinforcements. The weather was bad, but I managed to get there in time and she was super nice. Her office is warm and welcoming and she is less than 5 minutes from my house which is wonderful. My appointment went a ½ an hour over. She was very interested in the things in my world and made some good suggestions. Some things came up around Joel and even more so last night. But that is another topic I guess. After my appointment I went home and just hung out with Joel a bit before heading to bed.
Saturday I went to Boulder to pick up the rec group folks and head to the convention center for Disney on Ice. Jason and his daughters were supposed to join us last weekend for the event, but the weather there as well as here prevented that unfortunately. So we were able to go Saturday instead. I had invited Christy and her son, but they had family plans. (Hey Christy- I think we should do the drinks soon. Call me if you’d like. 720-201-4893) Disney on Ice wasn’t as bad as I had anticipated. Perhaps due to Pat and Donna not being there this time. They went with Expand this weekend instead of with us. They can be slow, and they never have enough spending money to get what they want for souvenirs. Since Shon missed the event I got her a Cinderella doll with blonde hair like hers and a coloring book. I didn’t see anything for Em that looked fun for an 11 year old so I think that I am going to try and get her a digital camera so she and her dad can get pics together. So that is on my agenda this week. After the rec group Joan and I caravanned to take everyone home and then Molly and I took a new traveler to their drop off at the Black Steer in Loveland. This is also where we were meeting up with Joan, Bill and Mason to celebrate Bill’s 57th birthday. Happy Birthday to you Bill my dear! He is still smokin’ hot at 57. Rowr! LOL- Joan was her typical hour late and so was Mason. So Molly, Bill and I had drinks in the bar and had a great talk about what Molly is up to and her future plans for film school. And her crappy job at Olan Mills Photography. It was great. When Joan and Mason finally graced us with their presence we finally were seated and we laughed and reminisced and had a round of name the traveler. LOL- I can do a mean Doug C. and Elsie H. I enjoyed my long drive home alone in the Jeep just listening to tunes and thinking about the blessings of the friends I have in my life.
Sunday we slept in a bit and then went to American Furniture to look for a new dining room set. We had planned on spending about $600 and walked out $1400 later. Oh well. The set is more substantial and looks nicer. The chairs were sold out but a new shipment should be here before Christmas which will be nice. After we took the table home, (Damn it is friggin heavy!!!) we went to my Dad and Step Mom’s for Christmas dinner. I will be in Texas next weekend and they will be with her family so we celebrated early. We don’t exchange presents, but we had a really nice dinner that Johna (My Step Mom) cooked. Dad was geezed as usual. And it hurts that he can’t be sober when he is with me. And even to this day I have to remember, that it’s not about me, it about him and his own demons he’s trying to drink away. Or smoke away with dope. For the most part we had a good time, but it did get heavy when my mom came up. And when the fertility issue reared its ugly head. 3 of my 5 sisters are pregnant right now; my brother Cary had a baby 6 months ago and my Step brother Cameron and his wife are adopting a baby girl from China to add to their brood of 3 boys. I went and saw a specialist 3 years ago and went through a lot of testing, meds, etc. And Joel still hasn’t gone to get tested. He always has excuses. Ugh. And then he made a comment that hurt my feelings and confused me a bit. The topic of best friends came up and Joel told them that Billiekai and Jason are my best friends. Oh brother, literally- then Joel tells them that he and I are more like brother and sister than anything else. UGH. That is not the kind of relationship I want with my HUSBAND. Bah. I have a lot of work to do around looking at my side of this problem. When we got home he asked me what was wrong because I was so quiet and I told him that I was hurt about the sister comment and then he said that he just isn’t going to tell me anything anymore. He went to watch TV and I went to bed. That’s part of our problem. He doesn’t tell me anything at all. I don’t know anything about what goes on in his world. He’s so passive aggressive. Just yell at me- tell me what’s going on. I can’t fix things I am doing that are frustrating etc to you if I don’t know what they are.
Oh yea, and he told me my new glasses were hideous. And I had to really work at hearing what he said and not put the committee in my head to work and flip the script to tell me that I was hideous. Sheesh. Why is it that I have to work so hard to be a healthier person? Does everyone have to do that? I don’t know. I’ll end the rant now.
I’ll work on the grateful list and What I Learned List and post it separately. Have a great day all!
Court. K. |
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| RE: Update |
[Dec. 13th, 2007|02:42 pm] |
Today 12/13/07
Time: 8:49am
Mood: Worried, Overwhelmed, Sad, Anxious, Helpless, Supported, Scared
Music: On Line Streaming of 92.5 the Wolf
Here is something I read today and I thought I would share:
Living in the Present
One day at a time,
This is enough.
Do not look back and grieve over the past.
For it is gone. . .
And do not be troubled about the future.
For it has not yet come.
Live in the present, and make it so beautiful.
That it will be worth remembering.
( More Momma Drama ) |
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